A trip to Jervis Bay exposed all of my vulnerabilities. It started the night before the trip. I stupidly thought at least some of my pre-pregnancy summer clothes would fit. Nope. All of them looked tiny, almost doll like, on my new mum frame. Instead I had to make do with the same old crap I’ve been wearing throughout pregnancy – it looks old now and makes me feel frumpy.
I usually love trips to the beach. I was a swimmer so the water is kinda my thing. Swimsuits or bikinis don’t usually bother me. This time I walked around in an almost apologetic manner, convinced everyone was commenting on how hideous I looked.
Basically, I’ve lost perspective. Fitness is and was my identify but I don’t feel like my best self right now which is a major blow for my confidence.
My eating has been far from virtuous recently. With my mum cooking and buying the shopping, I didn’t exactly feel like I could ask my gluten free, organic products so I’ve carb and sugar loaded for the last 5 weeks. This has stopped now as it made me feel shit. Instead I’m back to my gluten free diet and I’m avoiding anything processed too.
My beautiful coach Kylie has started to write up my post-partum plan. I’m seeing her for a training session next week so I can start to focus on getting back my strength and fitness.
I hadn’t realised before just exactly how much my confidence was linked to how I look. I guess that’s pretty fickle. Perhaps that’s something I need to work on?
But at the end of the day, I have a beautiful daughter to cuddle up to. She’s healthy and happy which I something to be extremely grateful for.